Addicted
by charmedangel025
Summary: Even though Mal has made his feeling for Inara clear, he can't shake his feelings for someone from his past: His Wife. When she comes back into his life, she seems to be the only one who can unlock the secrets of River's past.
1. He Could Never Forget

Addicted

Chapter 1: He Could Never Forget.

**Rating: PG-13**

**Disclaimer: If I said I owned them, I lied.**

**Author's Note: This is my first Firefly fic, so my terminology might be a little off, but please, be gentle. Enjoy!**

_It's like you're a drug_

_It's like you're a demon I can't face down_

Mal was not looking forward to this trip. They had just done a job for an old friend of his and Zoë's. The only snag, was that to get the goods to him, they had to return to Shadow. They hadn't been there in almost five years. Mal had left a lot behind.

He walked through the darkened corridor of Serenity, and into the living area. Zoë, Wash, Kaylee, Jayne, Simon, Shepherd, and Inara were all in there, Shepherd telling one of his stories. Mal assumed that River was down in the hold somewhere, doing what ever it was she did down there.

"What is everyone doing just sitting around?" He asked, sounding extremely annoyed. "Get back to work." And that was it. He walked back through the corridor, towards his living cuarters. "What's Captin Tight Pant's deal?" Jayne asked.

"Yah, you'd think the Cap. would be happy about goin back home." Kaylee said. Zoe sighed.

"Not if you knew who was there."

Mal barely slept that night. But, when he did, all he saw were memories swirling through his head.

_It's like I'm running from you all the time_

His eye's shot open. He just layed there for the rest of the night, realizing that, as they got closer and closer to Shadow, that all his feelings were still there. He thought that he was over it all. But he wasn't.

_It's like I can't think_

_Without you interrupting me_

_In my thoughts_

_In my dreams_

Serenity slowly decended. Wash had misjudged the distance, and when he was two feet from the ground, Serenity fell to the dusty ground. "You call that a landing?" Mal asked, rolling his eye's.

"Sorry." Wash said, getting up. It was already dark on Shadow. They walked through the crisp night air towards the local tavern. Once they were inside, Mal insisted on leaving directly after they had delivered the money to his friend, Clayborn.

"You're not leaving yet, are you Mal? Not untill you see-"

"We have places to be." Mal insisted, cutting him off.

"No we don't." Jayne said, confused. Without saying anything, Mal walked back out into the night.

He walked slowly, trying to clear his head. But no amount of fresh air could do that.

_And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time_

He heard laughter behind him and stoped dead in his tracks. He slowly turned around. When she saw him, she, too stoped.

"Mal."

When she said his name, everything else, all his feelings, just faded away. She ran towards him and jumped into the arms she'd missed so much. She even still smelled the same way.

The rest of the gang found their way outside. "Who's this?" Shepherd asked. Mal looked at the girl and smiled.

"This is Nivia Reynolds. My wife."

**More coming, I promis!**


	2. The Back Story

Addicted

Chapter 2: The Back Story

**Rating: PG-13**

**Disclaimer: If I said I owned them, I lied.**

**Author's Note: Reviews Please! 3**

"You never mentioned a wife." Simon said as they walked back to Serenity.

"That's because most of us already knew." Kaylee told him. Once she spotted Serenity, a bright smile graced Nivia's face. "I forgot she was so... big." She said.

"Serenity was kinda our vision." Mal explained. "We started everything. But then..." He stopped. Nivia dropped her head. "Maybe I should just go back to the house."

"No... Come see her." Mal said, leading her onto the ship. Simon and Kaylee stayed behind.

"Could you please explain all this to me?" He asked. Kaylee sighed.

"Mal and Nivia married before the war. After words, they found Serenity. Nivia had always wanted to be up there, in Space. She loved it. So, they got us all together, and got ready to go. But then..." She trailed off.

"It was bad, wasn't it?" Simon inferred.

"Nivia was pregnant. But then..." Simon looked at her in surprise. Mal as a husband was weird enough, but a father? "On night... there's no proof, but... the Alliance blew up her mother's house. All her family, her mom, sisters, brothers, all dead. Niv got hurt real bad, lost the baby. She's lucky she's alive. And it was a few weeks before we left, too. She said that she needed some time alone to deal with it. So we left. That was almost five years ago."

"So, that's why Mal never mentioned her, when he ended up married to Saffron," Simon inferred. "Because it's still a sour part for him, something he'd rather not talk about." Kaylee nodded.

"I know he's got feelins for Inara, but I can still see how much he still cares about Nivia. Like when he spaces out, I know where his mind goes."

"I can't believe you still live in this dump." Mal said as they walked up the path to Nivia's house.

"You weren't callin it a dump when you insisted we buy it. 'A workin progress' you said." They laughed. "Do you wanna come in?" She asked.

"Better not." He said. She nodded, then asked, "How long you stayin?"

"Don't know, really. This was just supposed to be a drop off. Wasn't really plannin on stayin."

"So you were gonna leave without so much as a 'hello'?" She joked. She smiled and he lost his train of thought.

"You should come by tomorrow. We can catch up." He said after a few minuets of silence. She smiled again. "That would be great. But, it won't be 'till after dark, if that's okay. I have to help Alexandra with something." Mal smiled at that name. Alexandra was one of Nivia's best friend's; she was like a sister to both of them. "How is Alex?"

"She's good. The only family I got left."

"Hay," Mal said, his hand brushing her arm and sending shivers up her spine. "You got me."

Another smile. "You have _no idea_ how good it is to hear you say that. Good night." And then she walked inside. Mal waited a few beats, then walked back to Serenity.


	3. Gaining Trust

Addicted

Chapter 3: Gaining Trust

**Rating: PG-13**

**Disclaimer: If I said I owned them, I lied.**

**Author's Note: Okay, this is a REALLY short one. It's just kinda here to get the story rolling.**

_It's like I can't see anything_

_Nothing but you_

Mal was sitting on the stairs, down in the hold. He had zoned out, thinking about Nivia. A thousand thoughts filled his head. He didn't even notice River sit down next to him.

"Water." She said. Mal snapped out of his thoughts. He looked at River. She looked almost confused.

"I see water. There was a lot of it. You were scared." She said quietly.

"We met in the rain." Nivia said from behind her. Mal stood up. "River, this is-"

"Nivia. I know." Mal, too looked confused. "I'm River." She said, sweetly, approaching Nivia. "So, you two met... in the rain? That doesn't make any sense. When it rains, people go inside. They don't like getting wet."

Nivia smiled. "Not me. I love the rain. I have a tendency to go outside and dance in it." River smiled. That sounded fun. "I love the feeling of the rain hitting my skin," Nivia began to explain, "I was lying down, in my yard. Mal thought I was in trouble. He shook me and startled me." She laughed. "I-"

River laughed, too. "You hit him."

"How did you-"

"Nivia," Mal cut in, "Can we go upstairs? Talk?"

"Uh, sure." She smiled, and then they walked up the stairs, and towards Mal's room, passing Simon on the steps.

"I like her, I can see trust in her. **(A/N: I know that makes no sense, but this _is_ River)** And she's nice." She told her brother. Then, she smiled.

"I think I'll tell her things."


	4. It's Like I Can't Breath

Addicted

Chapter 4: It's Like I Can't breath.

**Rating: PG-13**

**Disclaimer: If I said I owned them, I lied. (And, FYI, the song lyrics, or the words in italics, are from Kelly Clarkson's Addicted.)**

_It's like I can't breathe_

Mal and Nivia walked down the corridor. Inara turned the corner as the two reached his room. She gave Mal a Icy look, then turned and walked away. Nivia looked at him in slight confusion. "There somethin you wanna tell me?" She cocked an eyebrow.

"What? No." Mal said, looking all innocent. The pair stepped into the large room. "I remember this room." She said.

"I recall this being our _favorite_ room." Mal said with a smirk. Nivia didn't say anything. She just barely smiled. "What's wrong?" He asked, sounding slightly concerned.

"You picked a hell of a time to be all concerned." She hughed.

"What the hell are you talkin about." Nivia spun around.

"I didn't hear from you for _five years_. I was worried outta my mind! I had no idea what had happened to you."

"You said you needed time. I asked no questions. I gave you time. That's what you said you wanted." He said, confused.

"And I appreciate that. I just would have liked to have known if you were, ya know, alive."

"I'm sorry. I made a mistake in not contacting you. And I assume you're mad that I didn't tell you we were coming."

"Only a little. I mean, it would've given me time to kill my boyfriend so that you didn't know I had one. Or at least hide him." She said with a smirk.

"I was considering doing that to Inara. The hiding part, I mean." Now it was Nivia who looked at him with an icy stare. "I was kidding, Malcolm." She said. "Where you?" He was silent.

"So, are you and Inara... together now?"

"...Sort of." He confused. She slowly nodded.

"Well, I sorta knew when I made you leave without me, that it was likely you'd find someone else."

"I didn't find someone else." He said. She gave him a look of sarcastic disbelief. "At first." He finished, acting like he'd meant to say that all along.

"I never got over you, ya know. I assumed when you married me that you would never get over me, either."

"I didn't. I still love you, more then you will ever know." Nivia had never heard him talk like that before. Maybe all this time with Inara was rubbing off on him. "It's just that, you were here-"

"I understand. Maybe we just weren't meant to be." She said, walking to the door.

"I don't believe that. And I don't think you do, either." He said. She just turned around and looked at him, before walking out.

River was still in the hold when she got there. "Nivia!" She said, immense excitement in her voice. Nivia stopped and brushed her long blonde hair behind her ear. "What's up, River?"

River suddenly got very shy. "I was wondering, if we're still here the next time it rains, if maybe I could come and you can show me how to appreciate it." Nivia smiled.

"Of course. And you're welcome at my house anytime. All of you."

"Even the Captain?" Nivia sighed.

"I haven't decided yet."

_It's like I can't breathe_

_It's like I can't see anything_

_Nothing but you_

_I'm addicted to you_

Nivia stood in the doorway of the empty room. Tears filled her eye's. She hadn't cried about Mal - or their son- in a long time. Yes, she thought about them almost all day, everyday. Every time her mind drifted, it went to Mal and how much she loved him.

_It's like I can't think_

_Without you interrupting me_

She had missed him so much, and now he was right in front of her, but she couldn't do anything about it. If Inara was his one and only now a days, then she would deal. But she didn't want to just forget about him. He had always been hers, and she his. And it had all changed.

_And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time_

She went to step into the room, then pulled her foot back. It had been almost five years since she had set foot in there.

"That was the baby's room." River said from behind her. She turned around slowly. "How did you know that?" Nivia asked.

"I heard you say it... in your head. I do that sometimes, poke around in people mind's."

"Really? And you can here what they're saying?"

"I can here the words inside their heads, sometimes before they even know they're thinking them." River said with what looked like a brief smile. It was like a light bulb went off over Nivia's head. River was a psychic. That's how she had know Nivia's name, how she had known that she had hit Mal the first time she met him. Because she could read thoughts.

"River, does anyone on the ship know?" River shook her head.

"Nope. Not even Preacher. Not even Simon, my brother."

"Can you remember all the stuff you hear?" River thought for a moment, then shook her head.

"No. The things I hear when I'm asleep, I forget. At least, I think I forget them..." She said, thinking.

"Do you think you might wanna let me help you, find out more about your gift?" Nivia asked sweetly.

River thought for a while. Then she smiled and said. "I think I would like that." Nivia smiled, too.

"How 'bout I meet you at Serenity tomorrow morning. I wanna talk to your brother."

River just smiled again as she noticed Nivia glance down at the silver band around her finger. River began to walk down the hallway.

"He still wears his, too. On a chain around his neck. The other's don't know, but I heard it in his head." She smiled again and walked down the stairs.

Nivia shook her head in amazement. She took another look back at the room. She was hurt, but she wouldn't let Mal see that.

_**It's like I can't breathe**_

_It's like I can't see anything_

_Nothing but you_

_I'm addicted to you_

_It's like I can't think_

_Without you interrupting me_

_In my thoughts_

_In my dreams_

_You've taken over me_


	5. The Ways Hes Changed

Addicted

Chapter 5: How Much He's Really Changed.

**Rating: PG-13**

**Disclaimer: If I said I owned them, I lied. (And, FYI, the song lyrics, or the words in italics, are from Kelly Clarkson's Addicted.)**

**Author's Note: This movie is pre-Serenity, so there's some hinting of Miranda. Also, their baby's name is revealed in this chapter. But, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO with Nathan fillion. It just seemed like a name that Nivia would name her son.**

Nivia heard River shut the door. It was now or never. She stepped into the baby's room. The day after Mal had left, she had shut the door, and hadn't opened it for five years. She looked around. She had been in there for less the a minuet and tears already welled up in her eye's. Memories swirled in her head. She walked over to the crib and looked inside. There was an old, ratty teddy bare. It had been Mal's. She picked it up, and began to sob as she sunk to the floor.

Kaylee walked down the dark corridor. It was late, and she couldn't sleep. She figured she'd go down to the engine, the hum of the machine always put her to sleep. Mal's door was open. She peeked inside. Mal sat on his bed, his back to her, a video card in his hand.

Kaylee heard laughter that defiantly wasn't Mal's. It was too feminine. She took a silent step into the room. Nivia's face shown on the screen. Her blonde hair, long and some-what curly, her hazel eye's happy. "Tell me who you are." Kaylee heard Mal asked. He must be the one holding the camera Nivia just laughed again. "You know who I am."

"Remind me." Mal said. Kaylee could picture the sly smile on his face. The way he used to smile.

"Well, I _used_ to be Nivia Aress. But, these days... I'm Nivia Reynolds."

"Damn Straight." Mal said. She smiled again.

"Why'd you fall in love with me?" She asked.

"This isn't what we're supposed to be talking about. We're _supposed_ to be doin somethin that'll show all my army friends how lucky I am to have a wife like you."

"Pretend for a minuet that we're just doing this for us. Tell me why you fell in love with me." She said shyly. Mal sighed. "When we first met, even through my pounding headache-"

"It's not my fault you scared me." Nivia squealed.

"No, it's just your fault you hit me." He said.

"Malcolm, answer the question." She told him.

"Well, as you know, we were friends for a few weeks. And then it rained again. I saw you dancin around out there, and you looked beautiful. I fell for you. And, your warm heart and personality didn't help, neither. Plus, you have one of the best shots in town. Well, for a girl, anyway." She smiled again. "And then there's that." He said, sheepishly.

"So, this is for you to show all your war buddies?" She asked, sitting down on the soft grass. They were on a hill that over looked their small town. Their spot.

"Mm hmm." He replied, and Kaylee saw the recorder go down as Mal, too, sat down.

"Well, don't ya think this'll make you look all girly, takin me to our spot and recordin all this mushy stuff?"

"Nah. They'll have video cards of their sweet hearts." Nivia got a sly look in her eye.

"Well, why don't you turn off that thing so that we can do what we did the first time you brought me here."

"Well, the wife gets what the wife wants." Mal said, zooming in on her smile before the video card went blank. Mal threw it down on the bed. Kaylee went to back out of the room.

"Don't you wanna see the others?" He asked.

"Sorry, Cap'n. I was just... and then I heard Nivia's voice..."

"It's okay. I do this almost every night before I go to bed. Sometimes a few times a night, when I can't sleep. No ones ever caught me before." He turned around. She walked closer.

_It's like the only company I seek is misery all around_

There were at least six other memory cards on his table.

"I didn't know you had so many." She said, sifting through them. Mal almost smiled.

"Most of them are after she got pregnant."

"Mind if I give you my opinion?" She asked, afraid of his answer.

"Yes..." He said. "But go ahead."

"You used to be so caring, and fun, and you actually smiled. But, what happened with Nivia and the Baby-"

"His Name was Nathan." Mal said, pushing himself off the bed.

"Huh?" Kaylee asked.

"Ya'll always call him 'the baby.' His name was Nathan." He said angrily.

"Okay, well, what happened with Nivia and..._Nathan_... it changed you. No offense, but you don't show that much emotion all that often. Well, until lately." Mal was silent.

"...I just love her so much."

"See, that's what I mean. You never talk like that anymore. And tell her that. She thinks that you just dumped her for Inara. Which, you kinda did, but there's still time to fix it."

"Nivia doesn't wanna fix it."

"Did she actually say that?" Kaylee asked, not really believing him.

"Today, when she was here. She said that we weren't 'meant to be.'"

"And what did you say?"

"I told her that I didn't believe that. She just walked away."

Kaylee sighed. "Look, Cap. I know Nivia-"

"Not the way I know her." Mal cut in.

"Exactly. Even after all these years, you still know how she feels, what she wants, what _you_ want. And if you wanna fix things, ya gotta tell her that."

"That won't be enough, I reckon."

"You don't know that. Just give it a try. Go over there right now, if ya have at."

"Simon said she was coming tomorrow to talk to him. I'll talk to her then."

"Okay. Just, do both of ya a favor, and tell her how you feel. Tell her the truth. And you know that Inara would say the same thing." Then, as if she had just remember something, she began sifting through her pockets. She pulled out another Video card. "Speakin of, Inara asked me to give you this." And then she left. Mal was afraid to watch the card.

_"I know it's unfair to do this this way, but I just don't think I can talk to you right now. You should have told me about Nivia. But, thats all in the past now. You love her. I know you do. I could see it in your eye's when ever you looked at her our first night here. So, you don't really need my permission, but go to her. Be with the one you really want. Because we both know it isn't me. You don't know me like you know her. You're her husband, Mal. You need her. And she needs you. And, as soon as we get close to my planet, I'm going to leave. Going to her would be the best decision you ever made, and you know that in your heart."_

And then the screen went blank. And that's when he realized that everything both girls had said was true.

And he would make sure he had her back. He loved her.

And she was his wife. That was the way he had wanted it sense the moment he realized he was in love with her.


	6. A Past Unforgotten

Addicted

Chapter 6: A Past Unforgotten. (PT. 1)

**Rating: PG-13**

**Disclaimer: If I said I owned them, I lied. **

**Author's Note: Just a note, there is some mention of Inara in here. It's not really bad, it's only one comment. I'm not bashing her. She's one of my favorite characters, but how do you think Nivia would feel?**

Nivia met River in the hold. She seemed... Nivia wanted to say giddy. "So, you're the famous Nivia." Simon said, coming down the stairs. "River's told me a lot about you. She's excited to start working with you." He told her. Nivia smiled.

"Yah, well, I wanna work with her, too. I'm assuming you know the whole, 'your sister's a mind reader' thing."

"Yah, but only recently." He smiled. "So, you an Mal are... married?"

"Yah. I'm not sure for how much longer, though."

"No, you two will work it out. It's clear that his inside feelings are still love." Simon looked at River confused, but Nivia knew what she meant.

"Hay Niv!" Kaylee called from the balcony. Nivia looked at River. "I'll stop by again tomorrow, is that okay?" River looked at Simon with pleading eyes. He smiled. "Yah, that will be fine." Nivia nodded, then met Kaylee at the top of the stairs.

"You never gave me a proper greetin." The mechanic said, opening her arm's. The two old friend's hugged, then talked for a few moments. "So, who are you goin with on this ol' boat?" Nivia asked.

"Oh, there's nobody." Kaylee said, suddenly shy. Nivia took a good, long look at her friend before smiling and saying, "The Doctor." Kaylee didn't say anything, she just smiled.

Then, she changed the subject. "The Cap want's you to stop by." Nivia sighed, then walked down the corridor that led to Mal's room. She knocked on the door. It opened, and she stepped inside. Mal stopped in mid step, and she knew he had been pacing. "Hay there, darlin." He said.

"Hi." She said, stepping further into the room.

"What'cha doin?" She asked. He laughed. "I was just thinkin about the time that Nathan almost killed me when he found out that I was the one who..." He trailed off as he laughed. She smiled, too. She had planned on naming their son after her oldest brother, Nathan. Nivia's father had died in the war, leaving her mother alone with eight kids. Nathan had been the oldest boy, the first born, and Nivia the oldest daughter, the third born. In order, it had been Nathan, Daniel, Nivia, Hannah, Ava, Nicholas, Eara, and lastly Aidan. While her mother worked, Nathan and Nivia had assumed the role of the parents, but Nathan still protected her like his little sister. When he had found out that her and Mal had taken their romantic relationship to the next level, he hadn't been happy.

"Kaylee said you wanted to talk to me." She said.

"I was hopen we could talk about us."

"Fine with me, Cap." She said, leaning against the wall. This was going to be very hard for Mal. He wasn't good with words. Or feelings. He was just gonna have to what was on his mind. What ever popped in, he would say. Oh, maybe that wasn't such a good idea. So, they stood in silence.

"What happened?" Nivia finally asked.

"The Alliance." Mal answered. "They took everything from me. And you."

"I lost everything in that explosion, Mal. My mom, my brothers and sisters, our son. You."

"You never lost me, darlin." He said, walking closer.

"It feels like it. You left, and didn't come back for five years! I reckon you never would'a come back at all if you hadn't done that job for Clayborn. Is that not true?"

"You asked me for time. I gave it to you."

"I didn't ask for five years of time! Yes, I needed to take some time, deal with things, but I didn't think you would just jump into bed with the first gal you met!"

"I deserve what ever you got to throw at me, but don't bring Inara into this. She didn't do nothin."

"You're right. But I'm still mad as hell at you."

"And you got every right to be. But if you would just let me explain-"

"Do you have an explanation? Cause I'd love to hear it. Make me believe that you ever cared about me, because right now, I don't really believe that." Mal looked her straight in the eyes, and she could see the hurt in his.

"I was so in love with you, I couldn't stand it. You were all I thought about. And I loved Nathan with ever' thing I had, and when we lost him, It killed me. I just wanted to get outta here, get back at the Alliance any way I could. I wanted to kill every one of those scoundrels for what they did to you. They put you in the hospital for cryin out loud! We didn't think you were gonna make it. And I sat by your side every second until you woke up. So don't you _dare_ say I never cared 'bout you."

She pushed herself off the wall. She had no idea what to say. But, she didn't have time to really say anything. "I wanted to come back, but every day I was away, it got harder."

"But do you understand where I'm coming from?" She asked him.

"Not to say you didn't loose nothin, but I lost my mother, and my seven brothers and sisters, _and_ my son. In one night. How was I supposed to deal with that?"

"I could'a helped you-"

"There was nothing you could'a done. I'm almost glade you left, but gorrammit, Malcolm, I missed you like crazy." He didn't say anything. She looked down at the floor, and caught a glimpse of her ring in the process. Then she remembered what River had said. "_He still wears his, too. On a chain around his neck."_

Nivia took a step closer and reached her hand down the front of his button down shirt. She felt the chain, warm from his body heat. She pulled the chain out from it's hiding place beneath his shirt. On the end of it, was a Silver band. She looked up at him, and even though there were tears in her eye's in her eyes, he could see the happiness in them. He bent his head down and, for the first time in five, long years, his lips met hers. The kiss grew more passionate, and after a few minuets, they pulled away.

"Why, that was the last thing I expected from you, Captain." She said sheepishly.

"I'm just full of surprises." He said with a smile.

"You should do that more often." She said.

"Kiss you, I reckon I wouldn't mind that much."

"Smile." She corrected. He pulled her into his arm's. "I've missed you." He whispered into her ear.

"I've been here the whole time. You just had to find me again." She told him. She suddenly remembered her previous appointment. "I have to go meet Alexandra." She said.

"Can I stop by the house tonight?" He asked.

"I reckon that'd be just fine." She said, turning around. He watched her walk down the corridor. She could feel his eye's on her, so she called, "And bring your tools! It's about gorram time you fixed that leaky roof you promised me you'd fix five years ago!" Mal just laughed.

Another thing he hadn't done for too long.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Mal opened the creaky door and went inside. "Don't you space cowboy's knock any more?" Nivia asked coming in from the kitchen. "Nah." He replied, kissing her on the cheek. After awhile, he asked, "So, his room..."

"Just the way you left it." She replied. Then, after a few moments of thinking it over, he asked, "Can I..."

"Sure," she said, taking to the stairs. She opened the door to Nathan's nursery, and stepped aside so that he could go in. He slowly stepped inside.

Mal looked around. Not a thing looked out of place. This was all just so serial. He had once been a light hearted, fun loving, care free man. And then he had lost Nathan. And Nivia, in a sense. He just stood there for awhile, until he heard Nivia walk up behind him. "Over the last couple a days, I've learned that you're not one to show emotion these days." She said. "But... you can here. It's okay."

He turned around, and his eye's were glassy, (**A/N: now, I realize how unlikely it is that Mal would EVER cry, but think of the moment here, people.) **A few lone tears running down his cheeks.

"Why, Malcolm Reynolds, are you cryin?"

"I reckon I am." He said, pulling her close to him. This caused her to start crying, but it was okay this time. Because she had him to hold her.

**More of Nivia and River next chapter, promise!**


	7. A Past Unforgotten PT2

Addicted

Chapter 6: A Past Unforgotten. (PT. 2)

**Rating: PG-13**

**Disclaimer: If I said I owned them, I lied. WARNING: This is pre-Serenity, so there's some mention of Miranda.**

River was lying on the balcony. Nivia looked around the hold, but couldn't see her. She stood there, listening for River to move. "What'cha doin, Niv?" Kaylee asked. Nivia turned to her, and put her finger over her mouth, signaling for her to be quiet. She quietly walked up the stairs and smiled.

"You found River." River said with a smile. She sat up. Nivia sat down in front of her. "What's up, darling?" River smiled a confused smile. "The Captain is happy. It's strange." Nivia laughed.

"How's the rest of the crew?"

"Well, last night I heard Zoe thinking about children."

"Uhh.. okay. River, can you control what you hear, or do you hear everything?"

"I hear _everything_. Some times it hurts. I hear all the feelings they feel, all the thoughts they think. And, sometimes I can even see what's gonna happen."

"How often does that happen?"

"Don't really know. Sometimes it's there, sometimes not. And, if it's there, I don't always know. There's always so much thought, so much I can hear and see. I get confused, because I don't always know who they're coming from. Like, right now, I can here Kaylee humming while she works. I can here Jayne thinking about his favorite gun. I think the Captain might be... singing? No, No. That's Wash." Nivia laughed at that.

"Okay, I'm gonna hum something in my head, and I want you to try and distinguish it from all the other thoughts you here." Nivia did what she was going to do. Suddenly, something changed in River's eyes. "Miranda." She said before launching herself at Nivia. Nivia pushed River over her and sprang up. "Simon!" She yelled. River through punches, and Nivia took a few of them, while throwing a few of her own. River kicked her in the gut, and Nivia sunk to the ground, then kicked River's feet out from under her. "Simon!" She screamed again.

Simon came running in, along with the rest of the crew. River sprang up from the ground and pushed Nivia against the wall. "River, Stop!" Simon yelled from below them. "River, what are you doing?" Nivia asked. "Don't hurt River!" River yelled at her, before she pulled her in the opposite direction, and through her over the railing, lwith what look like almost no effort at all.

Nivia hit the floor with a loud thud and cried out in pain. River sunk against the wall as Simon ran up to her. Pain incased Nivia's body. When she opened her eye's, Mal and the rest of the crew were standing over her. "Are you alright?"

"Ow." Was all Nivia could say, siting up slowly.

"Doctor?" He called up.

"Meet me in the infirmary." Simon instructed, carefully leading River to her room. Mal helped Nivia up and guided her to the infirmary.

"Really, I'm alright." She tried to convince him. "Remember when I got shot? This is nothing." She said, laughing, then wincing in pain. "I knew that girl was bad news."

"No, Mal, it wasn't her fault. The song I was humin', it must have triggered something."

"Song? What song?" Simon asked coming in.

"I don't even know. It was just some ol' folk tune. Why?"

"It might be something she remembers from the academy." Simon explained, beginning to screen her body for broken bones.

"Academy?" Nivia asked.

"River's a, well, shes a genius. She was taken from our family at a young age, taken to an Alliance academy, and was experimented on."

"In other words, they tortured her." Nivia inferred. Simon nodded.

"She doesn't know why, but she knows what she's done. She feels terrible."

"I'll talk to her before I leave." Nivia said, sitting up.

"Everything looks fine. Just don't do anything too strenuous." Simon said.

"You make sure that this never happens again, Doctor. Or else, I'll be forced to leave you and your sister behind the next time we're planet side. Dong ma?" Mal told him. Simon nodded.

"There's something going on inside her, Simon. I'll find out what it is." Nivia said to Simon before walking out.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Mal asked. She smiled.

"I'm fine. I'm gonna go find River, then I gotta get back to the house."

"When can I..." He trailed off.

"I'll come back tonight." She said before walking off. She found River down in the hold again. She as rocking back and forth, uttering, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. So sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry."

Nivia sat down in front of her. "River?"

"Sorry. Sorry. Sorry." She kept whispering.

"Darlin, I know you're sorry. I forgive you." River looked up at her.

"Forgive?" Almost like she had never heard the word.

"Of course I do. It wasn't your fault."

"My fault." River said to herself.

"No, River, it's okay. I don't blame you. I reckon people do things sometimes that they don't right mean to." River didn't say anything, but she had stopped rocking back and forth, and Nivia figured that that was a good thing.

"Look, I'll be back tonight. We can talk, but we don't have to. I'll see you tonight." And River watched her go.

**Reviews would be nice! Please, people, tell me what you think! 3**


	8. Snow

Addicted

Chapter 8: Snow.

**Rating: PG-13**

**Disclaimer: If I said I owned them, I lied.**

**Author's Note: Now, I doubt that it snows on Shadow, but it's snowing where I live, so I was inspired. And also, I changed my mind. Nivia's father didn't leave, he was killed in the war.**

The white powder fell softly onto the already snow covered ground. Mal trudged through it, tiny amounts of the white powder making it's way into his boots. He walked up to the old house and went inside without knocking. He kicked the powder off his boots, then went up stairs, leaving a trail of cold water.

He opened his old bedroom door and quietly walked in. He just looked at Nivia for a few moments. She was always so peaceful when she was asleep. He knelt down on the floor next to the bed. "Nivia." He whispered. "Nivia." He said, a bit louder this time while lightly stroking her hair. She stirred awake.

"What the hell? Mal, what're you doin here?"

"Get up." He said simply, standing up. She reluctantly pushed herself out of bed. He walked her to the window. "Mal, what the hell?" She asked at he covered her eye's with his hand. He opened the curtains. "Kay, Open your eye's." He said, taking his hand away. Nivia blinked open her eye's.

Snow coated all of Shadow. She gasped. "Snow!" She said, now fully awake. "Mal, snow!" He just smiled. Nivia pulled on her boots. "Lets go!"

"Already? Niv, you just got up-"

"Oh, come on, Mal. It snows in Shadow but twice a year." She said, a sweet smile on her face.

The wether only permitted for it snow twice a year in Shadow. And Nivia utilized every minuet of the snow when it did fall upon her town.

She hurried down stairs and pulled on her coat. Mal moved slowly behind her. She threw opened the door and jumped outside. She felt the snow fall onto her face and hair, and she suddenly felt very tranquil. The town was silent. No one in Shadow really cared for any other element but sun. Nivia loved them all. She felt Mal come up behind her.

"I love this time of year." She said.

"Dunno what's so grand about it. Just a bunch of powder thats cold and wet." Mal said. Shannon rolled her eyes. "It's useless to try and explain it to you." She said. They began to walk down the long road towards Serenity. "Do you remember that one time when Era saw her first snow, and thought the sky was falling?" Nivia said with a laugh. Mal smiled, too. "Your little sister looked up to you. They all did." He said. "Still don't know how you could stand all them." Nivia laughed again.

"Well, eight kids are a lot for two parents to handle. Actually, I think there were only four of us when Nathan and I took on the role of co-parents. I guess my parents figured that, with me and Nate around, they could just keep havin more. Come to think it, you were the one who handled the 'sky is falling' problem." She laughed again, and he did also, right along with her. "Kaylee tells me you don't do that anymore, Sergeant."

"'S just Captain, now. War's over."

"To some people, it's not." She reminded him. Then, as they neared the ship, they saw River outside, dancing and jumping around. Nivia saw that she wasn't wearing shoes. "River!" She said, trying her best to run through the thickly packed powder. "What in hell are you doin out here without your gorram shoes?" River looked at her confused.

"I like the feeling of the snow between my toes." She informed her new found friend.

"River, get inside, else your feet'll freeze right off." She said, ushering River onto Serenity.

"Medically impossible. My feet would not simply fall off. They would just loose all blood circulation, resulting in no feeling in my feet." River explained. Nivia looked at Mal, utterly confused.


	9. Bright and White

Addicted

Chapter 9: Bright and White

**Rating: PG-13**

**Disclaimer: If I said I owned them, I lied.**

**Author's Note: Alright, this story is coming to an end. There will be a sequel. The only question is, does Nivia stay and get captured by the Alliance, or does she go with them and get captured by the Alliance? Let me know. And, other comments would be nice.**

"She's just such a great kid." Nivia explained to Alexandra as they set the food out on her friend's dinner table. "I can see that Jayne's annoyed with her most of the time, but there's still this... protector quality about him." Alexandra rejoined her friend at the counter. "Well, go on, then. Tell me everything." She said while pushing her long dark hair behind her ear's. Nivia just smiled.

"Tell you what?"

"You _know_ what. Tell me about what's goin on between you and the Sergeant."

"The wars over. It's 'Captain' now." Mal said, coming through the arch way. Alexandra just rolled her eye's.

"You'll always be Sergeant to us, Malcolm Reynolds." She said, putting another bowl on the table. Mal just laughed.

"You joinin us for dinner, _Captain_?" Alex mocked.

"Well, I was hopin..."

"I invited him. I hope that's alright." Nivia said, walking over to him.

"No trouble at all! It's been five years since I seen him, I think it's right time for some catchin up."

"So, you must be the Malcolm Reynolds I've heard so much about." A voice boomed from behind then. Alexandra smiled. "Mal, this is my husband, Oren." She said, walking over to the man who had been talking just a moment ago.

"I'm sorry, I ain't heard you right. Did you say you were _married_?" Mal said with a laugh.

"Don't act so surprised, Mal." Alexandra said.

"I'm sorry it's just hard to believe. I mean, you can barely make a sandwich, let alone an actual _meal_." Alex lifted and eyebrow.

"Says the man who married the woman who can single-handedly burn soup." Nivia's eyes got wide. "Hey!" Mal laughed.

"Now I gotta stay for dinner. Tell Ol' Oren here all the stories of our childhood."

"This is pay back, isn't it." Alex asked. "For all that grief I gave you two when you got married."

"Gorram straight." Mal said with a smile.

Oren was quiet all through dinner, yet listening intently. "What's a'matter with you, Oren?" Nivia asked. "Oh Niv, you know he's never really that talkative." Alex said with a smile. Oren smiled weakly.

"So, tell me how you two met." Mal said, leaning forward.

"Well," Alex began, "He came to Shadow just after you left. We hit it off real fast, got married two years later. There's a baby upstairs if you wanna see her." Mal looked at Nivia, surprised.

"You never said Alex had a baby."

"She said she wanted to tell you." Mal brushed the crumbs off his pants. Nivia snuck her hand over and lightly set it on top of his. He pulled his out from underneath hers, which disappointed her, until she felt his hand fall on top of hers, still on his knee, and twin his finger's with hers. She smiled, suddenly shy.

Alex smiled, too. She knew what was going on. The two were falling back in love.

The next day, Nivia brought River to Alex's house. Her old friend had wanted to meet her new one. As they talked, Oren sat uncomfortably on the other side of the room. When River looked at him, he looked away. Then, she zeroed in on him, and focused.

She suddenly got a horrified look on her face and ran off. Nivia went after her. Alex and Oren followed. After River was at Serenity, and a whole lot of "River! Stop!" 's from Nivia, River finally stopped running. "River, What is it? What's wrong?" Nivia asked, out of breath.

"They're coming. They're coming." River kept saying. "They're coming. They're coming."

"Who's coming, _bao-bei_?"

"The bad men. They're coming for her." Nivia was still confused.

"River, talk to me."

River seemed to zone out, a distanced look on her face. "It's bright. Too bright. And white. White and bright. Closed in space, no where to go. No where to run."

Then, River looked at Oren, horrified. "He knows." Nivia looked at River, then to Oren, then back to River, the same expression on her face.

"What?"

"They're coming. Because he told them to. He told them where she is." No, Nivia thought. This couldn't be right. Oren was a trusted friend, not an Alliance enemy.

Then, before running onto the ship, River said again,

"He knows."


	10. GoodbyeFor Now

Addicted

Chapter 10: Good Bye... For Now.

**Rating: PG-13**

**Disclaimer: If I said I owned them, I lied.**

**Author's Note: So, yah, this is the last chapter for this one. There is a second one coming extremely soon, and it'll be full with twice the fun... and romance.**

**To RebelRgoue127, I thought I would clear up the confusion. **

As River bounded back onto Serenity, Nivia looked back at Oren before following River. River ran passed Mal. "What's wrong with lil Albatross?" He asked as Nivia came up to him.

"The Alliance is coming. You have to go."

"What? How do they know we're here?"

"Oren."

"Alex's husband?" He asked, confused. She nodded.

"Apparently, Oren's an Alliance soldier. I told Alex about River, and she must have told Oren, who told his General. I don't exactly know what the whole story is, but I know they're coming." Mal looked at her blankly. "Are you sure?"

"Pretty darn." She said as she watched River sink and huddle in the corner of the hold.

"You have to go. Get outta here. Take River and Serenity and go." She ordered.

"You coming this time?" He asked. Nivia avoided the question by walking over to River.

"Cap'ns gonna get you outta here. I promise." She cooed. River was starring into space muttering, "Two by two. Hands of blue. Two by two. Hands of blue."

"What's goin on?" Kaylee asked coming down the stairs.

"You gotta go find Simon." Nivia told her. Kaylee took one look at River and ran off. When River continued not responding, Nivia got up up and walked back to Mal.

"I got this feelin..." She said.

"What kinda feelin?"

"They're comin soon."

"You can't know that. It'll take 'um at least a couple days to get here. We got at least east another day-"

"Mal, I lived in this town a long time. My whole life. I know it well enough to know when the dust aint settlin right. Now, you're gonna take our boat, and you're gonna get our friends outta here."

"I'm gonna ask you again. You comin this time?" Nivia looked away, then looked back at him and said, "No." She didn't give him a chance to respond. She just walked over to newly surfaced Simon and began to explain. She could feel Mal's eyes on her, and she could feel his disappointment.

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Nivia burst through the door without knocking. She never did, but this time she entered forcefully. "Alex!" She yelled. She walked into the common room. "Alex!" Her dark haired friend came out of the kitchen. "What?"

"How long you known?"

"What?"

"How long have you known that Oren was Alliance?" Alex looked away and didn't say anything.

"How long!"

"A year." Nivia let out a loud, mad and disappointed sigh.

"You wanna tell me the story, or do I have to beat it outta your good-for-nothing husband?"

"Hey!" Alex yelled, in a warning fashion.

"He didn't tell me till I found out I was havin Cassara. He said he didn't wanna lie anymore. Said that he kept in touch with the core, but was done for the most part. Said he was sorry that he didn't tell me when we first started court'n."

Nivia shook her head and looked up at the ceiling, asking God to give her the strength not to seriously hurt her best friend. "How could you?"

"I told you, I didn't know-"

"How could you stay with him?" Alex looked at her in disbelief.

"What was I supposed to do? I loved him, not to mention I was pregnant!"

"He's _Alliance_ Alex."

"So? He's a good man."

Nivia was getting more furious by the second. "It don't matter what kind of man he is! He's Alliance. We're Brown Coats. We fought against them! We're supposed to hate them!"

"I _do _hate the Core. But I don't hate Oren. Even had I known that he was part of the Core, I prolly still woulda given him a chance."

"How can you say that!" Nivia didn't understand. "Have you forgotten what he did to my family?"

"No. You won't let me. Or anyone else, for that matter." Now Nivia was the one looking at Alex with disbelief. "I can't believe you just said that to me."

"And I can't believe you stormed into my home and started accusin my husband of being a terrible person. You know Oren just as well as I do. He's you _friend._ He's not out for power. He's not doin work for the Core anymore."

"Yes he is. He just ratted out River to the Alliance. They're on their way here." Alex couldn't believe it.

"Thats not true."

"Yes it is. River read him." Alex thought for a moment then said, "Get out."

"Al-"

"OUT!" Alex roared. Niva had never heard Alex yell like that. She stormed out.

When she got home, she found River sitting on her porch. "River, what're you doin here?" She asked.

"Don't be mad at her. She didn't know. She really didn't."

"If you were me, you'd be mad at her. And Oren."

"Oren has beliefs. Beliefs that were put in his head by the Alliance. He doesn't know any better." Nivia sat down next to her. "I don't really know who I'm mad at. I'm not really mad at Alex, you're right, she didn't know. I'm sorta mad at Oren. He ratted y'all out. But I think I'm really mad at the Core. Or maybe I'm mad at Mal for bein so much gorram trouble." Then, they sat in silence.

"You're not coming with us." River said, still looking at the dusty ground. Nivia didn't say anything. She knew that River already knew the answer.

"The Captain want's you to. He's almost never wanted anything more in his whole life. And I know that you want to come. But you can't."

"I gotta stay here. I gotta tell 'um to stop lookin for ya, cause you gotta be long gone by the time they get here."

"They'll take you instead."

"I reckon they'll try. But they won't."

"You won't be able to stop them this time. Last time you fought with the Alliance, you got away with your life. This time that might not happen.:

"Well, hon, you gotta remember, I got the best shot in Shadow."

"Second best." Mal said from in front of them. Nivia looked up at him, but didn't say anything.

River hugged her new friend goodbye, then stood up. She looked down at Nivia.

"Don't let them be real. Remember that they're just pictures. All fake." And then she turned and walked away.

"You wanna tell me what the hell that was about?" Mal asked.

"Would if I could." Nivia said as he sat down next to her. They sat in silence.

"You talk to Alex?" He asked after a while.

"Yah. We're not happy with each other right now."

"What'd she say?"

"That she didn't know 'till she was pregnant with Cassara. She didn't leave him cause she was havin a baby, and cause she loved him."

"Would you have left me if you found out that I was Alliance when you were pregnant with Nathan?" Nivia laughed. "That would never happen. You'd _never_ be Alliance." He laughed at that, then told her,

"We're leavin at sun set. Have your things ready by then."

"Didn't I already tell ya I wasn't comin with ya?"

"I think I reckon you're not. I was just hopin you'd say 'sure thing' and kiss me." He said, standing up.

"I never begged for anything in my life. But, I'm willin to beg you to come with me this time."

She looked away, "Mal, I can't." She said, her voice scratchy from trying to hold back the tears.

"Then you give me one reason. You gimmi _one_ reason as to why not."

"Someone has to stay. To throw them off your trail."

"I don't care about them. I just want you with me."

"You can't come back after five years and demand to be a part of my life again."

"Gorramit, woman! Don't you pull that _doe se_ on me. You love me, I love you, I don't see no problems."

"Once the Alliance is done doin what ever it is they're gonna do, I'll contact you, we'll set up some kind of plan-"

"They aint never gonna give up! As long as River's out there, they're gonna be lookin. If you don't come with me now, we'll prolly never see each other again."

"That's just a chance we're gonna have to take."

"_Why_ are you so hellbent on stayin?

"Because Alex needs me. If I go, there's no one here to protect her from them."

"Are you forgetting the husband she has? Maybe he'll surprise us all and keep his mouth shut this time."

"And then they'll kill him. And then they'll prolly kill her. I don't even wanna think about was could happen to Cassara..."

"Fine then. Stay here and rot in this god forsaken town!" Mal yelled before turning and walking away. But then, he stopped. He stood there, his back to her. She got up and walked to him. She laid her hand's on his upper arms, and rested her head against his shoulder blade.

They stood there in silence until he turned around and pulled her into a hug. He kissed her on the top of the head as he felt her tears soak through his shirt.

"I'm real proud of you." He told her. He heard her sniffle before she pulled away.

"I haven't done anythin."

"You've done more then you know." He said.

_It's like I can't breathe_

_It's like I can't see anything_

_Nothing but you_

When she looked up at him, the rest of the world just seemed to fade away.

"You'd better get back to Serenity. Get your gang together. I'll be up after I go back and talk to Alex." He nodded, then began to walk away.

"Mal!" She called from behind him. He turned around. "You glade you married me?" She asked. He smiled.

"Every day of my life. You glade you married me?"

"No." She said, shaking her head.

"You been too much trouble."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This time, she knocked on Alex's front door. After a few minuets, she called, "Alexandra, open the door." There was no answer. "C'mon. I know you're standin right there." Again, nothing.

"I... I came to apologize." The old oak door creaked open.

"Well, as I live and breath. Nivia Reynolds is apologizing."

"Shut up." Nivia said with a smile.

"Look. I over reacted. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. Now I know why you didn't tell me about Oren." Alex looked like she was going to laugh, but she didn't. Nivia sighed.

"It's just... I've been mad at the Alliance for so long, I hate every last one of them. All 'cep Oren. You're right. He is a good man. I love him like a brother. He aint done nothin wrong. Just what the Alliance brain washed him to think what was right."

"Means a lot that you said that." Oren said from behind Alex. "I'm real sorry, Nivia." She nodded.

"It's okay. I'm doin my best to understand. Look, I gotta go say goodbye to the crew."

"You're not goin with 'um?" Alex asked, surprised. Nivia shook her head.

"Things are gonna get real bad here, I can feel it. I'm needed here." Before either Alex or Oren could say anything, Nivia turned and walked toward Serenity.

When she got there, the whole crew was standin outside, waiting.

"You better send us a wave every now and then," Kaylee said as they hugged.

"I'll do my best." Nivia said with a sad smile. She moved down the line, saying her goodbyes to them all. "Why Zoe, is that emotion you're showin?" Zoe just laughed and Nivia hugged her. "You take care of him." She whispered into her war buddy's ear. Zoe nodded in compliance. Mal was last.

"I think I'm gonna miss you the most, Sergeant."

"You gotta stop callin me that. You know I hate it."

"exactly" She said, a wicked smile on her face. "Just like when you called me Via for all those years." He didn't say anything. They just hugged. Then, he looked at the crew and cleared his throat. And, with 'right' and 'got ya's, they disbanded into the ship.

"I love you." He told her.

"I know. I love you, too."

"If things get to hairy round here, you just send me a wave."

"You gonna come and rescue me?" She joked.

"I'd have ta. Got the best shot in Shadow, after all."

"Second best." She corrected before she kissed him. When they finally parted, she let her tears fall.

"You best be gettin on the ship. 'Afore I shoot ya down just to make ya stay." He kissed her again, more lightly this time.

_It's like I'm lost_

_It's like I'm giving up slowly_

"I'm gonna miss you." She told him as he whipped a tear from her cheek. She heard the sound of feet on the ramp, and they looked over. River was walking to them. "I am told it is proper to say good by to people. Especially those whom you attack. Jayne told me that last part." Nivia chuckled. She put her arms out to hug River, who didn't understand. So, Nivia ended up doing most of the work.

"Be careful. Mind your brother, and the Captain. Try not to get into too much trouble. That goes for you, too." She called over her shoulder. "I aint makin no promises." Mal told her.

"Thank you." River said before bounding back onto Serenity. Mal walked up to her.

"Goodbye." She said.

"It aint goodbye. It's... see ya soon."

"Isn't that what you said last time?" She said, laughing. They kissed a final time before Mal started climbing the ramp.

"You be careful with my boat."

"_Your_ boat?" Mal asked.

"Well, you bought it with _our_ money so..."

"You just keep thinkin that, woman." They smiled at each other, before he went inside Serenity and the ramp went up. Nivia watched them ascend into the air, know that what was to come was going to much worse then anything she had ever faced.

But, she'd get through it. She had her Mal to get back to.

_It's like I can't breathe_

_It's like I can't see anything_

_Nothing but you_

_I'm addicted to you_

_It's like I can't think_

_Without you interrupting me_

_In my thoughts_

_In my dreams_

_You've taken over me_

_It's like I'm not me_

_It's like I'm not me_

_It's like I can't breathe_

**_2_nd story coming _very_ soon!**


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